Sunday, March 14, 2010

Dylan on a Sunday

Last Sunday I turned 50.

What do you write after a sentence like that? There should be something. The more I live with this number, the less I seem to have to say about it. And I think that's probably a good thing. It is what it is, and the number names a place in my life. It doesn't create that place, but names it, and all-in-all its a pretty good place.

It's a confident place. I know what it is that I do, what I'm good at, and what my place in things is. I'm not trying to make my mark. I no longer worry about my work being noticed. And I know that my work is still a projection. That is, it still has a future. It's not all behind me. I'm not yet attentive to a legacy.

But my future is not an indefinite possibility. The arc of my life is fairly clear. And I think this is the thing I struggle against a bit. I'm a little life a-d-d. I love the frontier, the blank page, the opening lines, the new horizon. I'm a life long learner, I think. The fact that I'm still a student would be exhibit A. So, the fact that I sense my options narrowed at this point in my life gets at me.

So, I'm feeling a little feisty. This story has a few surprises left and I can't wait to see what they are. And after I take a nap, I'm gonna do something about that. Dylan's lines from Spirit on the Water are mine today.

You think I'm over the hill
Think, I'm past my prime
Let me see what you got
We can have a whoppin' good time.

1 comment:

Lisa Gonzales-Barnes said...

I like that 50 is a confident place and that work is a projection. Fifty is the place where life ripens and becomes sweet.